DJ Pancake Clearly Overcompensating; An Entire Nation Cringes, Hikes

GEN FALANKY DEFECTS FROM HIKE, POSSIBLY GAY

AP -- In a stunning turn of events that took place during the "90 Days of Mourning" hike, Gen Falanky (pictured below) has defected from the Mighty Four. "He just disappeared one day, and kept saying how he was having weird thoughts. Specifically about dudes," said DJ Pancake, noted heterosexual. "Last time I saw him he was thumbing through a PlayGirl magazine and saying stuff like 'that's not bad.'" At time of press, Gen Falanky had been spotted leaving The Curiosity Castle, a pan-sexual drag bar.